The Profile of a Blogger

Lately, for the first time in a long time, I've started to feel the urge to once again blog frequently. I'm even starting to half envision blog posts or funny little one-liners to pull in my audience. I've got this great one about how much it sucks to hear about all these celebrities who OD on drugs everyday, while the only thing I OD on everyday is my checking. It's a funny joke. (Laugh damn you!)

I realized today I've been blogging for almost 7 years now. 7 years! In blogger years, that's the equivalent of being 14,562 years old. (That first year counts for 7,000 years.) You can see some of my earlier works here at The Normal Life.

One of this biggest things any blogger will struggle with is their audience. As you may know, an audience is one of the most difficult things to build as a blogger. (Unless you're just one of those people who actually know all 734 friends on your facebook page.) The biggest way to recruit an audience in my experience, is to engage in other blogs. This can both be a trying and rewarding experience. If you've been as lucky as I have to build relationships within a circle of quality writers, you will spend hours each day gasping for breath or mopping the tears off the floor. (It's easier if you just let your dogs lick them up though.)

Many bloggers begin their blog as a private venture, with no actual intention of having readers. But comments are like crack. And once you start getting them, you need more. And More. AND MORE. AND MORE. AND MORE!!! (you get the idea.) This sends bloggers on an endless journey through the wastelands. Each blogger takes this journey in a different way.

Some are out to find the first oasis they can. Any fellow blogger will do. For this type of blogger, the courting process is easy. You comment on any post, and invariably drop a "come visit my blog" in a way that tries to convey that you're not on that blog just to get reader's for your material. And while nobody is fooled, I think the standard culture is such that the owner of said blog will pretend that the name-dropping was just a casual reference instead of a pointed request. (This, coincidentally is what makes bloggers the greatest people on the planet.)

Other types of bloggers, the courting process is more of a stalking technique. They also don't actually care what the other blogger's agenda is, as long as the blog looks pretty. Bonus points for a large blog roll. (I still maintain it's not the size that matters, but how often you use it that counts.) These bloggers will try to get you to surf over their blog by commenting on all of the blogs you comment on. The goal here is to hope that after a time, your target will begin to recognize your name popping up all the time, and will travel to your blog without ever having left a comment or made contact with the stalkee. The real life scenario ends here however. Any experienced blogger knows that comments are just the gateway drug to blogstats. By the time stalkee blogger travels to the stalkers blog, they've looked in their blog stats. They know you're internet provider, what browser you use, what city your ISP is based out of, and quite possibly what city you live in. In some cases, you can even find out what company stalker blogger works for. Even so, stalkee blogger will comment on stalker blogger's post as if they have no idea who the stalker is. (This, coincidentally is the second reason why bloggers are the greatest people on the planet.)

Then there's the third type of blogger. For sake of naming them, let's call them the EHarmony Blogger, or EHB. This blogger wants a true connection with the readers they recruit. It's not about what the blog looks like, but what the prospect has to say. Sometimes it's not even what they have to say, but more of how they say it. The EHB will actually read every piece of each post they comment on. A big difference with the EHB, is the fear of leaving a referral to their own blog. They want their readers to come to them based on their genuine interest in the prospects blog. Many times this is what happens. The prospect blogger will realize they've developed a devoted follower, and will surf over to EHB's blog to see what they have to say. This is how blog circles are developed. Many times, EHB blogger's travel in packs. Blogroll's are nearly identical. You will find common themes in either post topics or writing styles. However, EHB's are also exponentially effected by blog plague.

Blog plague is the name I've given to the mass desertion of blogger's at the same time. If just one blogger inside a hive of EHB's stops blogging, it can trigger a domino effect that will wipe out 75% of the hive within 4 months. Unlike the real plague however, the infected blogs never truly die out. Every so often, once every 6 or 7 weeks, one of the diseased bloggers will rear their head and make a stab at recovery, only to find that their loyal followers have been inactive for weeks or months. It's an ugly process that's nearly impossible to fight. Which brings me to my fourth and final type of blogger. The gardener.

The only true way to revive a diseased hive of EHB's is for a gardener to step in. A gardener is a former EHB who has beaten the addiction to the crack that is comments. A gardener moves past the need for others to read their material and has moved into a realm where they avidly await the posts of those in their circle. A gardener goes beyond the blogger connection with their blog circle, and actually makes real world friendships with the blogger behind the blog. A gardener will realize when a plague is infecting their garden, and will root out the weeds, water everyone (by inciting a mass movement to by every other blogger in the circle to inspire the infected,) and give extra care where needed. If that happens to be a drunk dial at 2am, it's even more so effective. (Gardener's are big boozers, FACT.) Regardless, blog plague has difficulty setting in within a circle of blogger's that contains a gardener. (Also, the greatest argument for why bloggers are the greatest people on the planet.)

So now that you've read this, think about what profile you fit into. If you've got the guts, let me know what type of blogger you are. If you guys get lucky, i just may design a badge for each type of profile and start handing them out accordingly. ;)

Happy Blogging.

The Moon Gets the Axe

For the first time in my life, I find myself actually left in wonder after asking myself the question, "Did we really go to the moon back in '69"

I've always been a full blooded patriot in this matter. In my mind, there was no way we didn't go, hop around, play the front 9, then come skipping back. I mean come on, there were all of those photos, and, and, and.... Rocks!

As a kid growing up, Neil Armstrong and Buzz Alrdin were my heroes. I had so many childhood fantasies of strapping in to my space plane and blasting off to the moon like it was nothing. As a kid I dreamed that by the time I was an adult, space travel to the moon would be commonplace. I mean by then, the Air Force would really be more of a Space Force and I could be a space fighter pilot. I even wrote stories about it in 4th grade. It was so awesome, I turned it in 3 weeks late and the teacher still gave me a 100/100, even though before turning it in she said due to lateness, the best i could do was a 60. I was a believer. So where's the newfound skepticism fit in? Obama's new budget proposal.

With the new plan, Obama is cutting funds for the Constellation program, which is the program NASA is currently running to land a man on the moon by 2020. The reasoning behind the budget cut is that this apparent program is behind schedule, and overbudget. However, overall funding for NASA operations will be increasing for the next 5 years.

Wait,... what? Let me say that again. We're cutting the man to the moon program because it costs too much money. Then we're going to turn around and give NASA even more money. When looking at this critically, I have to really wonder what the beans behind all this is.

The Constellation program had some pretty lofty goals. Among others, it would help determine the possibility of a moon colony. And there have been a lot of advancements Earth-side recently to prove that this may actually be a viable option.

Constellation is taking a lot of what we used in the 60's and rebuilding it with modern computers and materials, but the basc overall approach would be the same. When I started adding things up, one question immediately came to mind. How in the hell are we so far behind budget, and especially behind schedule on something we accomplished 50 years ago with technology that is now outdated even in consumer markets.

On top of that, with the possible ramifications of the Constellation program, how could we take money away from it, but increase funds to other NASA programs. I immediately had to ask the question, what are we afraid of? I started to wonder if the program wasn't getting the axe simply because we didn't go before. Which would also explain why we're so far behind schedule and over budget... because we didn't actually build it the first time.

So as it stands now, I'm not swung that we didn't go. I still believe that we were there. But I feel a little hurt that our return trip is getting a lethal dose of The Man. I still believe, but I think the door has been opened, and I'm going to wonder about any new information that will come to light in the future.

No more moving with Mapquest

My state will be putting into effect a new law that prohibits drivers from using data services on their electronic devices while driving their vehicle. This includes texting, surfing the web, and just about everything else you use your iPhone for. It looks like this will also apply to built in navigation systems. (We now are going back to pulling over to look at the map, kinda defeats the purpose right?) In addition, when in a construction or school zone, you can't even be on the phone unless it's in hands free mode.

Despite the cynicism above, I'm really a fan of this law. But I have to wonder, will people abide by it? I just finished reading a story on CNN about jurors who can't stop tweeting, googling, or facebooking during trials. One juror even sent a friend request to a witness during deliberations, causing a mistrial. Another part of the article mentioned a burglar who was captured in Pennsylvania because he stopped to check his facebook page at the home, leaving a trail for the fuzz to follow.

If people abide by this new law, I'm sure it will save someone's life, but will making it illegal really stop people from doing what is by now habitual, and on top of that, how are the cops going to spot the abusers? I know when I text while driving, i'm very surreptitious about it. (Aside from the weaving, red light running, and rear-ending of course.) And today's youth is even better. Many of them barely glance at their devices while firing back a text message. I have to wonder what measures can be taken to monitor or enforce this new law, and if it could potentially spiral out of hand.

In our town, the cops are very aggressive at pulling over motorists for very little reason, to check for drunken drivers. (during shool, we have nearly 40,000 college students in a town of 100,000 people.) On one occasion, i called the cops on my party happy neighbors on a tuesday night (like 3:30am), and decided to go grab a quick snack at Denny's while waiting for the cops to clean up the mess. When the cops get a call about a party, they'll have a few officers break it up, while a few others poach the roads leading out of the neighborhood or complex for drunken and driving partygoers. On this particular night, i got pulled over on the way back home by the very same police department I was calling to protect my sanity. The cop claimed my license plate light was out, wrote me a warning, then let me go. (As it turns out, my license plate light was working fine.) I've been pulled over in similar situations in our town 7 times in the last 2 years. Twice this has resulted in a moving violation I did not actually commit, and had to fight in court to reprieve... unsucesfully on one occasion.

While I applaud the intentions of this new law, I wonder if it is one that will be abused by some members of law enforcement. I'm guessing we'll see a rise in tickets in our area due to the younger population, and as always in a college town with more tickets being issued due to "college students" breaking this law, the likelihood that car insurance rates will go up in this zip code is a very realistic possibility. I have to wonder if there is anything we can do about the real problem, without causing more problems.

Those Damn Elevator People

So here I sit, on the verge of collapse due to lack of sleep and overdoses of Full Throttle, and it occurs to me a good way to stay awake for a few more minutes might be to share my caffeinated glimpses of brilliance with you. Enjoy.

These days, things get on my nerves. People get under my skin. I... get annoyed. I never used to. Oh the naivete... when i could wander blissfully through the day without caring about the circumstances around me. I wish I had that back. But on the flip side, I now feel like I've empowered myself, because I now complain at will when something bothers me. And you can't stop me. Fifth amendment bitch. Read it. (I haven't)

I figured I'd share some of the things that really get to me lately. Maybe you can share with me after you've read this, and we'll all feel a little better.

One of today's biggest annoyances are elevators. Not only are they a deathtrap waiting to happen, but people make it worse when they use them improperly. I'm talking specifically about the douchebag who enters on the second floor and rides up to the 3rd, then gets off. You my freind, are a jerk. Some people have several floors to travel, and here you are, not 30 feet from an escalator, making some claustrophobic dude spend an extra 20-30 seconds in a suspended steel death trap.

Unless you're legitimately disabled, you don't have any business in an elevator if you're going up or down just one floor. If it's a tall building, you better be going more than 2.

With the winter season brings an annoyance we're all familiar with. 4 wheel drive. I recently took a trip to a friends in "stupid to drive in" weather, that was made all the more dangerous by a lady with a huge suburban with 4 whell drive. It was windy, poor visibilty, and heavy snow, and I was driving on a state 2 lane highway, probably 5 mph faster than i should have been, about 60 feet behind another guy going the same speed, and this lady in her GMC felt we were too slow.

Sure, maybe you can obtain a higher speed than us lonely family car people. But your tailgating me while driving on 2 inches of snow is endagering not only you, but myself. If i lose control, ur gonna hit me right in the back, cuz you can't stop.

Worse yet, this woman then passed both of us, probably doing 55, on a bridge, endangering the lives of everyone in all 3 vehicles. I can't explain the anger i feel over this person taking chances with my life. I pray for everyone who behaves in this manner with a 4 wheel drive vehicle to end up in a ditch. That's a lesson that needs to be learned the hard way, and enough people don't learn it soon enough to save the lives of others.